


Sunshine

by orphan_account



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Celebrity, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, M/M, Trans Character, Trans Enjolras, Trans Female Character, Trans Male Character, trans jehan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-13
Updated: 2016-02-13
Packaged: 2018-05-20 02:06:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5988403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Enjolras Figures It Out and the panic attack that follows.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sunshine

**Author's Note:**

> A short fic written to supplement a scene of a role play I'm doing with my friend Eli (tumblr user jehancourf, user erisolsies on here) because I play both Courf and Enjolras.
> 
> The fic is modern Celebrity AU in which Courf is a movie star, Enjolras is a broadway star, Jehan is a makeup artist, and Grantaire does odd end work in theater and movie sets. (It's WAY more expansive than that, but I think this is all the info you really need for this excerpt.)
> 
> Enjolras and Grantaire are in a friends with benefits type relationship. Courf and Jehan are in an established, long term relationship.

It was sunny, but cold. Enough for a jacket and scarf and to shove your hands in your pockets after a few minutes.

Courfeyrac and Enjolras walk together, idly chatting with hands wrapped around hot coffee. Courf’s: steaming and black. Enjolras’s: a foaming latte with an extra shot of espresso, cream, and double sugar. They were both satisfied with their choices.

And, as usual, their conversation rounds to Jehan again.

“… And she did these checkerboard nails. I will never understand how she manages to do that shit herself and have it come out perfectly. Whenever I ask she just laughs and says something about her being perfect.” Courf is smiling, looking down at his coffee before taking a sip. “She is, though. She really is.”

Enjolras looks on, smiling to himself. He’s really, really glad his friend was able to finally be with the love of his life. It was hell watching his go through hell when they weren’t. And the fact that it could have been avoided if the director of that movie had been more lenient…

But another through crosses Enjolras’s mind as Courf is lost in his own thoughts, most definitely about Jehan.

“Hey, uh…” Enjolras trails off, working the question around in his mouth.

Courf gives him a questioning look. “Yeah? What’s up bud?”

Enjolras clenches his jaw before looking up at his friend. “How did you know you were in love? With Jehan, I mean.”

Enjolras would swear on the sun that he saw Courf attempt to hide a smile, a knowing smile. No one would believe him, though, since the sun himself would deny it to his dying breath.

“Well,” Courf starts, looking forward to think. “I mean. It depends on what you mean by love.” Enjolras gives him an incredulous look, which earns a bright laugh from Courf.

“I could argue that I fell in love with first sight. But I know a lot of people don’t like that notion. But when I first saw her… God.” He gives a wistful sigh. “I can’t even describe it. It’s like- It’s like coming home from a long day. It’s like seeing the sun after a week of rain. It’s like that first whiff of fall or that- that feeling you get when you’re at the beach on a hot day and the water is just cold enough when you jump in.”

He looks over at Enjolras. Enjolras’s eyebrows are raised.

“Shut up. I can’t do any better than giving you clichés for that part. It’s indescribable.”

They laugh and take sips of their coffee.

“But… She was gorgeous, breath taking. She still is. But, y’know, love is more than that stuff.” He takes a deep breath. “We spent more time together. I just… needed to be with her. I needed to touch her, to talk to her, to be with her in every way I could. I wanted to do everything with her. I wanted to make food with her. I wanted to help her take care of her ferrets. I wanted to laze around in her bed while I waited for her to do her makeup. I wanted to hold her hand on the way to the car and ask about how her day on set was even though I was on the same set. I wanted to be a part of her life, and I wanted to be a part of hers. I didn’t feel like myself without her. It’s like… It’s like my whole life lead up to doing whatever I could to make her happy. Because if she’s happy, I’m happy.”

They were crossing the street when Enjolras stops, a look of panic on his face. His hand is too tight on his coffee. He’s starting to shake, and Courf gets a rush of adrenalin. “Enjolras? Dude, are you okay?” Enjolras is just barely able to shake his head no. “Alright, we’re in the middle of the street. We’re gonna move to the sidewalk, okay?” Enjolras is able to nod.

Courf guides him to the other side of the street. The latte was dropped in the middle of the street, and is leaking onto the crosswalk.

“Is there anything you need?”

Enjolras shakes his head. He’s shaking. He can’t move. He’s starting to sweat. His stomach feels like it wants to both devour itself and purge anything in it.

He’s in love with Grantaire. Oh god, he’s in love with Grantaire and it’s going to ruin everything. He’s going to ruin everything. He’s going to lose Grantaire. It’s going to be his fault. He can’t stay with him- It’s going to fuck up everything. He loves him, oh god he loves him. He needs him. He craves him. He wants him to be there when he gets home. He wants him there when he’s had a bad day, to wrap him in his arms and use that soothing voice he does when he has anxiety. He want him there when he’s fiery about something, with that sparkle in his eye he gets when he watches him argue with himself. He wants him there in the shower, waiting for him to slip in for wet kisses, waiting to wash his hair for him. He wants him when he argues with him, with his eyes and body hot.

But he’s in love with him. And he’s going to fuck it up. He’s going to fuck it up because Grantaire isn’t in love with him and he won’t be able to control himself because _god_ he wants desperately to be with Grantaire in every way possible. And he’s going to lose Grantaire because of it.

Courf’s voice seeps through his haze.

“Enjolras. Enjolras it’s okay, you’re here. Can you hear me?”

Enjolras nods.

“Alright. Do you think you could breath with me?”

He’s going to lose Grantaire. Enjolras nods.

Courf walks him through about a minute of breathing. His hands are large and warm and strong on his arms, rubbing up and down. Repetitive motions. Something to focus on. Up and down. Up and down. Breathing. In. And out. In. And out.

He opens his eyes. It’s bright. Courf is bright. He’s always bright. A guiding light. He’s going to lose Grantaire.

“Do you want to go back to your place?”

Enjolras nods.

Courf calls his driver.

He’s going to lose Grantaire.

**Author's Note:**

> The original title of this was loss.jpeg.rtf but Eli talked me out of calling it that on here I Hope You Guys Are Happy
> 
> If you guys have any questions about this RP or wanna shoot me a message about this fic you can reach me on tumblr at enjchiladas.tumblr.com and Eli at jehancourf.tumblr.com


End file.
